i dyed dark soft brown-but it still looks black.
oh well.

i will not let my attention shift to things of this world, as much as i try.
i feel so weak and stupid and unaccomplishable of any act, save to sleep.
and even when i do,
i cannot do it with peace, but alas!
my mind is filled with many questions and concerns and doubts.

how do i do this?
how can i finish this?
how can i face this?
how do i answer this?

shut up the thoughts in my head.
in my mind, clear it all away.
i cannot think,
and i do not want to think.

true security is found in Christ, and in Him alone.
absolute surrender is giving in to Him,
and only in absolute surrender to the One who gave it all for me,
will i find rest for my weary soul.
and find all my security in Him.

people can seem to be all sorts of things-
you don't really know who to talk to,
what to talk about.
and sometimes the ones you really love, cannot see it,
and think you are non-existent.
how then, can words come out,
and soothe the writhing waves?

the endless possibilities of what's going to happen.
"the end is near."

how to be an excellent wife?
how to be a godly woman?
how to be a caring nurse and one who demonstrates the love of God with no boundaries and no limits?
only in Christ.
sounds extremely simple,
but yet it kills me a hundred times,
and i still have yet to attain to it.
but isn't it all about surrendering our rights of self,
and being a slave to Christ?
oh yes and what a joy it is to serve a Master such as Him!

For He is gracious, and loving, and shows kindness n mercy without limits.


Hallelujah! What a Saviour-
i owe everything to Him!
Hallelujah! What a Saviour!
Hallelujah to my King

Save me from myself-
the pit that i've dug.

i wish we all could live life simpler.
and with more love.

Labels: wants a goodnight kiss and a tuck into bed.

12:32 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

whatever happened?

i think i stray,
and yet thank You for amazing grace that keeps me going thus far.
and i have questions and much to ponder about again once tonight.
maybe you will help me with them.

i feel much dread and anxiety abut school right now.

"Your yr 3 is just a continuation right? no worries. Just do your best and study. that's it."
-dad

and just standin at COOS this morn, it all felt so surreal.
like how i was there just afew years ago.
young and immature (not that i'm very mature now)
and full of energy.

perhaps i've grown tired.
or i have grown tired. weary.
of what this life brings.
and yet it reminds me of the home in glory land.
and i know,
i still must be hungry to learn, desiring more and more of God and His truth.
to love God n people more.

we become God's co-workers. God was always the gracious, all-wise, all-good initiator. We get to second His work.

To be like Him is to live for the sick and not ourselves..to consecrate our plan of life to the service of our Father in heaven as He did.

-Florence Nightingale

If there is one thing more than another that our Great Master strives to steer us, by His life as well as His gospels, it is that He considers an honour to serve the poorest and the meanest, that he will not give his crown except to those who have borne His cross-that patient courage, the fighting the good fight through life-enduring hardship is what He encourages and rewards.

-Elizabeth Torrance, nurse


5 hours of lecture straight.

conventus still on my mind.

and this heart that ails and is fallen.

and the sunday school song that cheers me up tonight:

His love is warmer than the warmest sunshine
softer than a sigh
His love is deeper than the widest ocean
wider than the sky
His love is brighter than the brightest star that shines every night above
and there is nothing in this world that can ever change His love

12:08 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

Love.


and i'm struggling ever so much more with that word.
one word,
and yet mean a thousand and one billion things.

perfect love casts out fear.

and yet how the world and our own distorted minds destroy everything the word meant to mean.

and i'm just out of thoughts and words to say anymore.
only God never fails.

teach me to trust and to hope in You.
remind me that Your grace is more than enough.

10:53 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

with a glimpse of an eye.

how sad it is often,
when angst and fury hold hands and come together,
to war against love and forgiveness.

and who emerges the winner?

i think perhaps a part of me died in the last 6 months or so.
which i would count a matter to rejoice.
You must increase, i must decrease.

what emotions that ran through me
as i picked my feet up to run.
the cool night air did not keep me calm,
and the irritating buzz of noise that ran ahead of me-
i could not love.

and as i ran,
i thought of why i was feeling all the emotions i felt.
i looked up and saw the stars shining.
ran to the familiar place.
but it was dark now.
took some steps and went out nearer to sea.
low tide.
and it was so nice to stand there.

the air was so still for a change.
my beating heart needed to be still.
i felt my sweat,
and wiped them off.

stared at the sky-
thinkin of when i was in a simliar moment in my memory.
and then i locked it up in time for a moment.
or rather, i'm glad to have You hold my moments in Your hands.

it always seems i have plenty to type while i'm out,
but when i'm back,
everything else doesn't come to mind.

whatever the case,
i'm just leaving it.

school is starting.
and as long as You are with me,
i'll not be afraid,
or fear.
as much as i can.

enough for now.

Labels: one more week to school starting.

10:37 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

shout it out (:

-

all the brothers and sisters

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of old.

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credits.

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wonderful people

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